We were on our knees

Basically.

My head is SO loopy right now from sniffing too many perfume samples. In other news, I AM SEEING AFI ON OCTOBER 23. AND THEN A WEEK LATER IS HALLOWEEN.

The AFI show is actually part of the Ulalume festival, which is sponsored by MTV and also features such class acts (omg Kanye?!?! Wtf?!?!) as Paramore and some band that Linkin Park's Chester has drummed up. Oh and a rapper, Kid Cudi or something? It's kind of embarassing to my tender hipster ego to see one of my favorite bands playing besides them during a poorly named MTV music festival, but you gotta take whatchu can get. Not that i hate Poe... i love Poe. But MTV's justification for naming it Ulalume is that the poem has a rhythmic cadence that almost sounds musical. That's the exact sort of "intelligent connection between two artistic media" that i would have eaten up back in middle school. "HEY YAAAA I LOVE MUSIC AND POETWYYYYYYY"

It'd be so hip if i became a perfume connoisseur; i've always wanted to be an expert at something but couldn't enjoy anything enough to pursue it. My poor violins... i think we sold them to a family friend. I'm pretty passionate about cheese, too, so if perfume doesn't go well i'm a-ok.

There are these two crazy boys at my school. I keep saying things to either one of them that i shouldn't! Not morsels like "I like your eyes." or anything, but stuff like this: 

"You're difficult to talk to"
"You have too many secrets"
"I kinda see you two as one person" 
"I'll make linen shorts for you, if you pay me... in hugs" (HE ASKED ME FIRST, OKAY???)

Just to clarify, i am not romantically interested in either of them. All of those slip-o'-the-tongue gems have occurred in the past few days; maybe it's just the PMS or something. I think i'll go watch "The Time Traveler's Wife" now; i've been saving it for an emotionally unstable time. Homework is unimportant.

(My wrists smell like honey and vanilla right now wheeeeeeeeee)

I can never remember all of the differences and the names they go with. Must remember to sew this to all of my clothes, possibly to my contacts as well. ALL I SEE IS COFFEE, ALL I BREATHE IS COFFEEEEEE. Of course. Jeez, the Americano is so pathetic. :(

Sooooo what has happened in the last two months...? I got a job at Yogiberry, this rip-off frozen yogurt joint (DON'T GIVE THEM MY LJ URL, GUYZ) with exorbitantly high prices for a few spoonfuls of Fruity Pebbles (by few i mean 1.5). I made a fun list of colleges to apply to, and a fun strategy of not-applying to them until the night before they're due. ALL THE ESSAYS ARE IN MY HEAD, OKAY??? I JUST NEED TO TRANSCRIBE AND IT'LL TAKE ALL OF TEN MINUTES. NOW LET ME GO PLAY NEOPETS SOME MORE AND WHINE TO MY BOYFRIEND

Oh yeah, i've been doing a lot of whining to Mr Boyf lately. I think it's just alla de college shit, coupled with Yogiberry having lamentable organization (my work schedule has been modified three times now in the past week, and i get a NEW schedule for every week, so basically they don't know what the hell they're doing), coupled with the oncoming stress when i actually DO get to the apps. When i am stressed, i hate everyone except for my brother and myself. Everyone.

I'm so excited for "The Time Traveler's Wife" to appear on the Internet. Every time i see a commercial for it, i want to CRY. Usually i can't stand anything that remotely reminds me of "The Notebook", but something about this one clings to my legs and refuses to let go (HEY, WHAT'S RED AND CLINGS TO YOUR LEG?).

Two more weeks until school begins. Maybe that's why i want to see the movie so much.

While walking home in the forest, Boyfriend and i found a wild raspberry bush along the path (i spotted it, he tasted it in case it was toxic ^.^ ). He found them too tart for his palate, but we continued scouting for more bushes on the way home with which to feed me.

The wild raspberries are about half the size of farmed ones. However, they lack the diluted bitterness that belong to the farmed ones - i suspect this is the work of pesticides. Nyah.

For now, these bushes are my and Boyfriend's secret. I'm a greedy gatherer. If i had lived a few millennia ago (who knows, maybe i did), ERRBODY would have wanted me to be their female mate.

I don't remember what life was like before i discovered the macro setting, probs sukked

It was a cloudy day. I accidentally forgot to turn the flash off, and discovered that the flash fabricates nighttime. How charming! Now i seem like i live in the rain forest, as opposed to dear suburban Maryland.




LOOK OUT THERE'S A JAGUAR


ALL COLORS ARE EQUAL IN THE RAIN FOREST


WATCH OUT THAT BERRY'S ABOUT TO GROPE YOU, NO SENSE OF SECURITY IN THE RAIN FOREST


Aah, so pretty. <3




And here are some boring non-flash shots...







^Stereotypical flower macro just to remind you all of DE BEUATY IN REGULR LYFE

When i was walking through the woods today on my way home from school, i felt like hundreds of bird songs were flying amongst the trees like strings, brushing against me and tickling my hair. I looked up, and so many of them were in pairs, one flitting, the other one following, then finally both launching into the air and soaring away from me. When i closed my eyes, i could imagine that i was in a cold, only slightly moist rainforest. I wonder how passionate birds are. Maybe they don't mind doing nothing but hunting for insects all day, because every spring they have very very VERY wild sex, and all of the tedium is worth being attractive/healthy enough for this time right now.



I don't know whether to pity the brown one or commend his bold voyeurism. Reminds me of the photo shoot in Japan.

(By the way i'm 17 today!)

First of all, i'm very fond of my new layout.



The vestiges of my Valentine's Day.

( Details... )

We also went to Forever 21:


Ready for spring, chicas! -_-

Several elements of my night, of right now:

-i am reading The Bell Jar, one of my favorite books
-i have tea
-i am listening to Conor Oberst, and i was listening to CocoRosie and Colin Meloy before
-i am warm
-everything is quiet around me
-i watched an amazing movie a few hours ago - "When The Wind Blows"

Normally this would all coalesce into a beautiful night. Except i am reading The Bell Jar for school and i have a big assignment due in two days about it and a bunch of reference books about Sylvia Plath (none of which i have even touched). I am a slow reader and i really need to finish the novel soon. I am getting tired.

I've cried too much this night, first it was the movie which really wracked me like nothing has for a while, then it was the old dreaded thought about how i don't know what i want to do with my life and i don't have a specific ~passion. I'm always reading about people's passions being suppressed by society or some intangible force; no one writes about what to do when you don't have any passion at all. Let's see. I'm passionate about cuddling under a blanket, watching good movies, finding books that keep my interest until the only things that make me put the tome down are weariness and pain in my eyes, and chatting online. Writing is nice, sometimes. I like making pottery, from what i experienced a few days ago. Clearly my future occupation is obvious! I smell affluence and the ability to follow my caprices! I smell the privilege of not cancelling an online sale because of the absurd shipping price! I smell endless bolts of fabric and their potential! I smell a cabinet filled with different perfumes! I smell food that people don't inject preservatives into because OH WAIT, food is supposed to rot! I smell security!

Actually, all i can smell right now is fried rice. I could say that i also detect a whiff of my own fear, but then i'd just be melodramatic.

DISCLAIMER: I'm referring to mainstream culture in this post.

A common complaint that passes from me to my boyfriend is that he can't dress. Every day it is a hoodie, a t-shirt, and jeans. No attention to color, nor pattern, nor HIDEOUSNESS. Last Thursday (i believe), he wore a blue hoodie with blue jeans, both in a shade (because they were basically the same shade -_-) that i can't stand. So, whenever i gripe about his sartorial choices, he retorts that he has no easy access to pretty clothes because he's a male. I have to agree with him to an extent. Off the top of my head, i can only name two boys at my school who don't throw on the archetypal BoringOrObnoxiousTshirt + jeans every day. However, one of them basically copies a Gap ad every day and considers himself "the best dressed male at Belinda's High School" (the first four words are 100% his!). Plus, i hear he smells bad.

Regarding fashion, i pity males. People can stereotype all they want that girls should be the ones worrying about tomorrow's outfit, but how can males worry at all? There isn't enough clothing variation for them to be able to actually consider anything! What is the dude's equivalent of the stiletto, the LBD, the perfect shade of lipstick? Yeah, yeah, one doesn't need to look good to feel good. Fuck that. "Looking good" has nothing to do with how "in" a person's clothes are. But it's hard to wear one's individuality when the supply pool is so limited.

That said, i like this!



The picture is tiny; idk why since it's a decent size on my computer. It's by Thierry Mugler's F/W (i have seen that acronym used before and am desperately hoping it stands for Fall/Winter), though, if your interest is piqued. Easily Googleable; that's how i found it.

Tbqh, Topshop always looks gimmicky to me. But this is TOO FAR. '90's =/= good times in fashion. If i ever see anyone wearing a single piece of clothing from the second photo (well, perhaps the blue scarf is an exception), i will rip a dripping ink cartridge out of the nearest printer and massage the offender with it.

Seriously! Every time i visit their website, i find something else extravagantly beautiful (and expensive). The objects of my coveting range from clothes to shoes to shower curtains. I'm planning to buy the dress shown above (it has some adorable detailing that this picture doesn't really show off). And i just perused their "What's New", and here are some other Things I Would Have If I Was Loaded With Monies.
( ~Lovelies  )
I'm trying to include more images in my entries, since i recently realized that no one wants to read humongous paragraph monsters. Hopefully i'm doing alright! 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

I'M GOING TO BE AT SCHOOL

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

HOPEFULLY A KIND TEACHER WILL LET ME WATCH IT ON TV

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

I LIVE ABOUT A HALF HOUR AWAY FROM D.C., I FEEL LIKE I'M MAKING AN AWFUL MISTAKE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

So i made a video entry for AFI's Begin Transmission contest. I'd really like to have a chance at winning, because traveling to LA to meet one of my favorite bands stands as REALLY FUCKING COOL in my book. If you are so inclined, you may watch it and (hopefully) rate it with 5 stars! Thx n 'dvance~!~!#~~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fH0WoPSFTFM

A family friend just crashed her car into our garage/porch. Awesome way to start 2009.

( Pictures )

Obliterating. Love love love. These extracts don't convey the emotion branded onto the pages, i think the reader has to think about everything that's happened in the book and create that for him/herself.





"He could become again the man who had once crossed a Surrey park at dusk in his best suit, swaggering on the promise of life, who had entered the house and with the clarity of passion made love to Cecilia - no, let him rescue the word from the corporals, they had fucked while others sipped their cocktails on the terrace."

"All Fiona had to do was live her life, follow the road ahead and discover what was to happen. To Briony, it appeared that her life was going to be lived in one room, without a door."

"I love these little things, this pointillist approach to verisimilitude..." (i just love how he uses "pointillist")

Once upon a time, a girl strolled into an antique shop. She hoped to find her mother's birthday present, but instead she found a phone number scribbled on the wall, right next to a beautiful painting of a horse in a windy field. She called the number when she got home, but the line had been disconnected.

Once upon a time, a frog was about to eat a fly when the fly abruptly halted in the air. For a split second, the frog believed that it had run into a spiderweb, but then the fly fell down, dead as a doornail.

Once upon a time, a young child looked out of a window. She saw something that she didn't understand.

Omg i would continue but i really need to keep reading "Atonement" now. I love the book so far, but i can't help but wonder if my love of the movie is just poking its insidious nose into the book-love.

IS
KILLING ME
I THINK
MY
LEGS HAVE
ATROPHIED
FROM SITTING IN FRONT OF
THE COMPUTER
FOR SO LONG
THEY HURT.

because it'll make me sound arrogant if i stick it in "About Me" or "Activities" or something.

"It is remarkable that persons who speculate the most boldly often conform with the most perfect quietude to the external regulations of society." (from The Scarlet Letter)

I'm not sure if this is completely true or not. I don't talk to that many rebelz~*. I don't really know if my speculations are "bold". But for some reason, that quote gives me solace.

Earlier today, i was in Math class (which sucks, fyi. Job involving calculus =/= in my future.) when the teacher told us to gather into groups of 2, 3, or 4. So we did. In the back of the room, a group of four boys sat. It was more like three and one, though: three of the boys were friends and of the boisterous sort, and the one boy was... different. First of all, he's a year younger than the majority of the class. He also happens to be a pain in the ass - too officious and eager-to-please for most people's liking. His name is Larry. Anyway, a boy (Andrew) who was friends with the three sauntered over to their group of four, tapped Larry on the shoulder, and motioned for him to get up. Larry, bewildered, asked why - i'm only assuming this, though (i sit in the waaay front of the room). Andrew made some kind of gesture towards the three boys, and motioned again for Larry to get up. Larry got up. Andrew slid into Larry's seat, and the group became four instead of three-and-one. As they laughed and joked with each other, Larry stood, completely alone, against the wall.

My math teacher noticed him, and said, "Larry, what are you doing alone?" Larry shrugged. She responded, "You won't get any points if you don't participate. Join a group." He looked miserable. I felt miserable. As he shuffled over to the nearest group, which consisted of two other boys, Chris and Sam (both of whom are quite nice), my neck and head were burning with guilt and anger and disgust. But how could i tell the four boys off? I didn't actually hear any of Andrew's and Larry's exchange; everything i said would have been based off of my perception. Also, i was scared.

I actually dislike Larry because of his personality traits that i mentioned earlier. But Andrew still had no right to assert superiority like that. And of course, Belinda could be completely wrong about the whole incident.